Friday, December 01, 2006

Am I being punished ?

*sigh*

Last night was a night from hell. I'm not kidding.

I was talking to my aunt last night ... yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my cousins death and my aunt is still taking it very hard. I try to be there for her, so she can vent whatever she needs to so she can feel better without others judging her. I believe it is healthy for her to have those feelings and she needs a way to get through them, and that's me. She has come a long way.

My step-mom called last night to let me know that my father had a heart attack on Monday. He is now home from the hospital as of last night. He needed 3 stints put in.

I feel like everytime I talk to them all I get is bad news. My fathers has cancer. It's in the liver, lung, and kidney. He has a cancer nodule in his chest too. I just don't know how much more I can take. He is still active, and working to treat his cancer, so we hope that this heart attack was a blessing of sorts to get more blood flow and make him stronger.

I am not that close to my father, which was his doing. His life choices made it that way. When I was 15 we started getting together for a week or two in the summer. I feel anger towards him for denying me of a father as a child ... and I am working on getting over my anger and resentment, so I am not ready to lose him.

Then to top off the night, I called my mother because I was so upset. She too was at the doctor yesterday for the pain she has in her back. It turns out she is going to need a new hip eventually ... She is going to try whatever she needs to to put off getting this surgery.

My mother is my everything. I can't stand the thought of anything happening to her.

So ... my life sucks ... but I will get through it ... it's who I am.

** Rant Over **

3 comments:

Peter N said...

You are who I am too...and we'll get through it..

Mellie said...

I'm so sorry pumpkin. It does seem like when it rains it pours. You know I'm here if you need me.
Hugs...

The Omnipotent Q said...

My prayers are with you, Novy.

Remember that old, wise saying made popular two years ago: "Keep the faith."

Hang in there, things WILL get better.