Friday, December 01, 2006

Am I being punished ?


Last night was a night from hell. I'm not kidding.

I was talking to my aunt last night ... yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my cousins death and my aunt is still taking it very hard. I try to be there for her, so she can vent whatever she needs to so she can feel better without others judging her. I believe it is healthy for her to have those feelings and she needs a way to get through them, and that's me. She has come a long way.

My step-mom called last night to let me know that my father had a heart attack on Monday. He is now home from the hospital as of last night. He needed 3 stints put in.

I feel like everytime I talk to them all I get is bad news. My fathers has cancer. It's in the liver, lung, and kidney. He has a cancer nodule in his chest too. I just don't know how much more I can take. He is still active, and working to treat his cancer, so we hope that this heart attack was a blessing of sorts to get more blood flow and make him stronger.

I am not that close to my father, which was his doing. His life choices made it that way. When I was 15 we started getting together for a week or two in the summer. I feel anger towards him for denying me of a father as a child ... and I am working on getting over my anger and resentment, so I am not ready to lose him.

Then to top off the night, I called my mother because I was so upset. She too was at the doctor yesterday for the pain she has in her back. It turns out she is going to need a new hip eventually ... She is going to try whatever she needs to to put off getting this surgery.

My mother is my everything. I can't stand the thought of anything happening to her.

So ... my life sucks ... but I will get through it ... it's who I am.

** Rant Over **


Peter N said...

You are who I am too...and we'll get through it..

Mellie said...

I'm so sorry pumpkin. It does seem like when it rains it pours. You know I'm here if you need me.

The Omnipotent Q said...

My prayers are with you, Novy.

Remember that old, wise saying made popular two years ago: "Keep the faith."

Hang in there, things WILL get better.